No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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