Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
