Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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