im having a threesome with these popsicles
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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