She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Do vagina's smell?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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