definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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