I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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