never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
