No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
