but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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