You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
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