we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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