The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
