Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
