quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
