Ambien. No doubt about it.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
