R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize