uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
