Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
