11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
should my penis look like a turkey
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
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