Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
