pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
