I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize