Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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