ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize