Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize