grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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