I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
