there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
