So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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