I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize