I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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