The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
