dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
50% drunk capacity currently
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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