I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dicks are not precious.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
