I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
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