thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
