there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
