After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Randomize
