Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
