at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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