Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
