if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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