i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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