we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Alive.
So much puke
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
