i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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