idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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