I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
