we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We're using joints as your birthday candles
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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