Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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