Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
