Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
