she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
