there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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