I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
