so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
