oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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