I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
