Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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