i jhust puked up my retainher.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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