i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Randomize
