For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
