He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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