We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
