your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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