the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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