where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
